11/15/11

Mean Girl

I'm going to confess something to you that I have put out of my mind for far too long. This is something I am not proud of, but I'm human and I feel that I've tried to make up for these wrong doings with good deeds.

In high school I was a mean girl. I really didn't have that many friends, but I seemed to jump around a lot from group to group. One day you hated me, the next day you loved me. I was out of place in high school, I didn't really have a direction and I didn't have a strong connection with most people at my school (of course there are those select few that I STILL consider my great friends, but for the most part I was a floater).

I would say mean things about people, claiming "It's my opinion. I'm strong willed..blahh blahh..." I did vicious things like trying to put eye drops in a girls water, or writing "bitch" on a girls car with window paint. And I laughed about it. I laughed and thought I was SO clever. And then, I would deny it if I ever got caught. I'm telling you, you didn't want to know me.

I lied, drank, and did stupid things to hurt others without EVER thinking of the consequences. I was truly lost.

Yes... Sabrina, ME, was buried deep down somewhere in that troubled girl, but she was really hard to find.

Due to recent events,  I have thought a lot about who I used to be and the things I would say and do. As each year passes I can see changes within myself, my confidence. In much recent years I have found my true self. That self revolves around family, good friends, creativity and happiness. I strive to bring joy into every day into every situation.

Yes, I may have done some awful things, maybe unforgivable things, but I KNOW I have learned. I change for the better everyday of my life, and I can only hope to continue.

I never want to be that person that tell you who I am. I always want to be the person to show you.


And Now... without further adieu... My short hair!

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My 'Dressing Room' in my new Mother Jeans


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My Mantle

In Closing:

I can't say that I don't have moments of meanness... but I have found what truly makes me happy and I think that is the biggest change of all. I now live in love. You should try it, it's kind of life changing.

Happy Tuesday!


41 comments:

Jessi said...

First off, I love your hair short! It looks great.

Second, I think it's great you can admit you were a "mean girl". The biggest aspect of change is admitting what needs to be changed.

And I will definitely agree that finding a hobby you love changes everything. You can focus on something positive instead of the negativeness that surrounds us all the time.

Hope you're having a great day. Sorry for the long comment. :)

Chelsea Coleen said...

SABRINA! Your hair. it looks AMAZING. You are one of those rare creatures who can cut it short or grow it long and it still looks good. I LOVE it! and I agree, living in love, it makes all the difference :)

Stephanie and Such said...

If any of us were the same people we were in high school, I'd be scared. We all grow up and change, and realize that if we still act the way we did in high school...we might be in big trouble!

I used to always HAVE to be hanging out with people (but thats how a lot of us were in hs and college). But now, I entertain myself and don't care to party hop so much anymore. Of course, I still hang out and have friends, but like i told you last night-I want my own place!

By the way, your hair is SO cute short! Don't know many girls that can pull off the short and the long :)

Ashley said...

okay, seriously you hair is the cutest! i think we almost have the same hair color going on. short looks good on you, girlie!

i have to say that i agree with a lot of what you said towards the closing of this post...everyday, i see myself becoming the woman i strive to be. the past is something we can't change, but we can only learn from our lesson and try to do better in the future. :)

Young and Fabulous said...

katie holmes what did you do with my friend sabrina? seriously that looks effing AMAZING and i asolutely love the length!! can u still fit it in a pony?!

im so glad you have learned from everything you went through in high school. And to be honest i could never ever ever picture you being like this from when i met you! you were the sweetest that sweet could be! And by you going through this in highschool just allowed it to be a learning experience for you...you realized you didnt want to be like that anymore,and you found who you truly are (which is an amazing genuine person)

i love your honesty you have. I mean, i feel as if everyone went through something of these sorts during some point in their life and thats OK! I love you and the way you are!

xoxoxo

I am Megan said...

Oh, your pretty hair! This look suits you so good, but I was sooo jealous of your long hair, cos mine never goes further than my collar bones.

I also cut my hair yesterday, but before I went, I couldn't decide whether I wanted a style quite similar to yours, or a very short pixie. I even had a little poll on facebook, and everyone voted yay for the pixie cut.

But, when I got to the hairdresser, she refused to cut my hair that short, stating "I can't cut your lovely long hair! I cannot!" So, I just trimmed the points and got layers. Hey, this could have been a whole long blogpost of my own...

Anyhoo, you and I were quite similar in high school it seems. I was everyone's friend, but also everyone's enemy. I didn't do mean things, but I said mean things, things that often got me into big trouble, like girls wanting to hit me...I probably just knew when to press all the wrong buttons. But everyone changes, and often, as in your case, it's for the better.

Ali said...

Oh my gosh. I absolutely LOVE your hair. Funny...I was just thinking last night about how I want a CHANGE and starting with your hair is always a good start.

I am so glad you shared your story and I love that you took your recent life events to reflect on everything and realize you wanted a change. It's funny how somethings you think are the worst things that could ever happen to you, actually turn out to be one of the best.

We definitely were pretty similar in high school, and I think the majority of girls are mean. I know I was, but I also knew that when I started college I wanted to change because I was going to be in a place where I could CREATE a new reputation for myself...and I did.

Thanks again for sharing.

xoxo
Ali

Ali said...

First of all, your hair is ADORABLE!!! I've been wanting to cut mine for awhile now & your hair really makes me want to call and make an appointment right now.

Secondly, I was mean when I was in elementary school too. Which I guess is a little different because most people really don't remember it, but you're right. People who are mean just simply have issues and being mean to other people is the only way they know to express themselves.

I'm glad you're making good, positive changes & admitting that you were wrong. That's so important.

Keep getting better!
Ali

Superficial Sanctuary said...

Your hair is gorgeous!! Seriously, so so pretty! I love your photos, too, all the nail polishes look so cute against the mirror and your mantle is very classy, nicely done!

On the mean girl topic, it's great that you've learned who you are and now I can only hope that people see you in your new light, because although I only see you on the blogger surface, you've never seemed like a mean girl in your writing. Go YOU for being positive!

Casey said...

Okay, a couple things!

1. I was totally a mean girl in high school, too, and I feel you girl. Especially the whole thinking you were so clever back then. But really, now you realize how disturbingly dim-witted you were.

2. Your new hair is adorable! I LOVE!

3. Can we talk about your nail polish collection? Holy cow!

4. Nice pictures :)

K I think that's all!

Chelsea said...

You were a mean girl? I would have never known! Which is a good thing because, let's admit it... many of us are probably GLAD we've grown the heck up and learned some hard lessons from back in the day. I jumped around from group to group a lot in my first two years of high school. We learn and grow and find our true selves and I think it's great that you've realized the things that needed to change in order to be the woman you want to be :)

Love your hair and the nail polish all organized by color!!! The mantle is beautiful too!

Jess - PrettyPhysicist said...

I'm with you. I was a mean girl in high school, and now I look back and see just how cruel I was to some people, and I feel horrible. I hardly talk to anyone I went to high school with (except my best friend). I wish I could go back and tell my 14-year-old self that.

Your hair is gorgeous! How difficult is it to maintain? I've wanted to get a similar cut, but I wake up at 5 every morning, so high maintenance hair is out of the question!

Rebeka said...

Ohh I am definitely much nicer now than I was in high school. I think that the bitchy teenage girl stage is something most girls go through. It's the ones that stay in that stage that suck at life. Ha.

Also your hair?! SO CUTE! Breakup haircut? I've done the same thing. Like: breakup, do the ugly cry, decide that I NEED TO CUT OFF ALL OF MY HAIR, RIGHT NOW!!!! Ha. But it looks very very cute!

Samantha said...

Ahh you make me want to chop my hair! Looks gorgeous, girl!

And....... your nail polish collection is fantabulous. I KNOW we could be bff's in real life now. :)

Sam
http://petitefemmejolie.blogspot.com

Lindsey said...

Stephanie is definitely right, I'd be scared if we were the same people we were in high school. The good thing about your situation is you learned from it and changed and that takes a lot of courage. I had a HUGE attitude problem in high school. Like I could be SUCH a bitch to my Mom, which I still feel bad about. Maybe a mean high schooler will read this post and change her ways!

Hair looks gorge!

shay said...

omg! i LOVE the hair! looks awesome!

and listen, we all have had moments when we were younger when we did mean things... i don't think that there's a woman out there that wasn't a total biotch at some point in their lives. i think the important thing is that you've changed your ways, learned from your mistakes and have owned it all. with age comes wisdom right? so rock on sista and be proud of who you are today!

Mrs Spanglish said...

It's great to be able to recognize your mistakes and even greater to change your ways for the better!
Good for you!

{great haircut}

Maca.

Beth said...

i was a meanie from time to time in high school, but you learn, you grow, and you move on. i just had my 10 year reunion this summer and you see people you used to make fun of and are talking to them like nothing ever happened. it was a fun night.

love the hair!

and that nail polish arrangement? yes please.

Michelle (michabella) said...

LOVE YOUR HAIR!!!!!! One of my favorite hair styles.

And I would have never thought of you as a mean girl. High school is so rough. I hated it. I think we learn a lot about ourselves through trials and esp AFTER high school. Thanks for being so honest. I still adore you :)

Ashley said...

looks very cute!!

Lauren said...

I love your hair! I've been debating about cutting mine off! Yours looks SO CUTE! :).... AHHHH decisions!

Kaylene Nicole said...

I really admire you for being able to admit you were a mean girl. As you were describing yourself, it made me think of how I was in high school also. I have since grown out of my mean girl stage and gotten rid of my major attitude problem. All that matters is that you recognized that and were able to change because I know everyone knows a few people from high school who still have not changed and probably never will. You go girl!

agroeper said...

It's so amazing to be able to look back and realize that we aren't who we used to be. I'm so glad I'm not who I used to be! So brave of you to admit this, by the way! Oh and I love the short hair!

Raquel said...

Seriously girl, that hair suits you SO well. looks absolutely amazing!!

Wow i could NEVER picture you being a mean girl, ever! But i guess everyone goes through pretty whack stages in their life. I definitely did!

Raven said...

Well what I have to say is your "true" self? I LOVE! I honestly feel like I really KNOW you as a REAL friend, even though we haven't met (but that is ALLLLL about to change!!!!!!) and you just seem so sweet and warm but let me tell you something else, I can see the feisty in you, maybe you are no longer a MEAN GIRL but I can tell there is still some badass feisty little sucker that comes out from time to time :)

live in love. LOVE it. and LOVE you SO SO SO SO SO much!!

and just like everyone else said, your hair is amazing. You could be bald and still look beautiful. and that my friend is no lie.

Erin said...

Your honesty is inspiring! Many of us would be too afraid to tell the truth about who we were and where we came from...but you did it with such beauty and grace. How amazing that you can look back and reflect on al the beautiful changes and growth you have gone through! :) adored you. adore this post. adore your new hair!

Shalyn said...

I can't believe you were a mean girl! Doesn't make sense...but the good news? You aren't anymore :) I love my Sabby Fresh!

And as you already know, I love love love love your hair. Too precious!!!

Lynzy said...

I am right there with you and I have the same thoughts. High school was one of my downfalls in that, I didn't have the greatest grasp on life and had some friends that were pretty cruel to a lot of people. I would NEVER act or be the person I was all those years ago and I am SO happy that I grew out of that.

On another note: Totally in love with your blog and that GORGEOUS new hair. Not many people can pull off short hair but yours looks fabulous! Rock it :)

Jamie said...

I was a mean girl too. Sucks thinking back about it. I hope to teach my daughter to live in love.

Your hair is adorable!

dottie said...

I love that cut! You would rock any style though. You have "one of those faces". Jealous!!

High School is a lot like the wilderness, survival. Kids do what other's "think" is cool, just to get people to laugh. We've all been there. I do not judge you for that. I did similar things, even to my own friend's at times back in high school. It's horrible to think about.

I have a daughter who is in high school now, and things have not changed. I try and guide her but I see her struggle with it too. Her word choice, comments about how "goth" people are. It breaks your heart to see them hurt. It breaks your heart to see them hurt others. I would never in a million years want to go back to that age in life. So hard!

Anna Elder said...

i just have to say that i know where you're coming from. BIG TIME. and you've just inspired me to write a post about my dark past. i shouldn't be ashamed, right?? i feel like "mean girls turned nice" know how to be better friends. but maybe that's what i want to tell myself since i was once a mean girl.

undomestic chica said...

It takes a strong person to admit you were not perfect.

I love your hair!

Shug in Boots said...

Wow! Kudos to you girl, for admitting and writing about it.

Second, I LOVE those glasses/cups? on your mantle! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!

Lindsay said...

LOVE your new hair!!! :)

I can relate to this... a little. I hate to see people being picked on, bullied, teased, whatever you want to call it, because I was one of those kids who was once teased. Yet sometimes I find myself talking about people or saying not very nice things. And then when I do it I feel bad. Guilty. Sad. Because I know what it's like to feel "out of place" and uncomfortable.

Please don't think that I'm a bad person though, because I'm really not! I swear! I just have a few kinks that I need to work on...

Kudos to you for finding your true self, and for being able to admit to your past faults!

Melissa said...

What a great hair cut! I recently went darker because the idea of cutting my hair was WAY too scary. Yours looks so amazing!

Melissa
miss-melissa.com

NeuroticLover said...

Oh I can relate! I look back on some of the things I did in highschool, and cringe. But the important thing is that we are different now! Everyone has their moments, their memories they wish could be forgotten. You're a lovely person now, and that's all that matters! :)

p.s. LOVE the hair!! Tempting me to cut mine!!!!! Haha.

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