Hospitals terrify me. My one big fear in life involves a trip I took to the hospital almost a year ago. Without going into too much detail... I had surgery to have 1 and 1/2 of my girly parts (ovaries) removed. And yes... humor is how I deal with everything.

Before going into surgery I remember the Doctor telling me that there was a chance they would have to remove both, which would send me into early menopause. I had JUST turned 23. The thought of being 23 in a 55 year old body terrified me. On top of that, there was a large chance I may not be able to have babies on my own.

And that is when the fear set in.

I can't believe how hard it is for me to write this post right now. I've had a year to deal with it... but that thought still shakes me.

But I have to think of it this way: God only gives us as much as we can handle. And yeah... for a while I was angry that he gave me a bum-ovary ( I guess two bum-ovaries)... but I realized I must be thankful he gave me an amazing mom who rushes out of bed at 6am to take me to the hospital, who never leaves my side.

Thankful I had friends, near and far show me the greatest love I have ever felt.

I am thankful for the large scar right across my bikini line. No matter what it means to others, it is my most beautiful battle wound. That scar means so many things. And yes, maybe I won't be able to have babies on my own, but for now... I can be the best Auntie in the world to these precious babes.


See that missing tooth? Aspen even graced us with a song about how babies don't have teeth. Did you know that? :)
How lucky am I?



Rissy said...


I'm sitting here trying not to cry...

You are such an amazing person.

I can't wait to meet you in real life one day... because I know we will.

Hugs and Loves


Raquel said...

Good for you girly for keeping such a positive attitude. Keep your head up high!

So shay said...

Love you so much Sab! I'm so glad you shared this :) I know how amazing you are and I just can't imagine what you've been through. You're beautiful and all scars are battle wounds that show life's biggest tests of strength. You're an amazing example of how to be positive and optimistic. I KNOW you will be an amazing Mom some day. I have faith!

I can't wait to be an Aunt some day! :) Congrats to you and your family!

Xoxo! Wish I could squeeze your neck right now!

Whim Wham Life said...

Beautiful girl! What a journey. A big life, that's what you're living:-) Come live a little in Portland, soon! xoxo

Karen said...

I love your positive attitude. I was just telling my husband last night how scared I am to have another surgery. I had my main girly part (uterus) taken out almost 2 years ago and have had a few other surgeries before and after that. I am also thankful for the scars left behind to remind me for the life I am grateful for!

Raven said...

Awww Sabrina. Love that you shared this. And if you can't have babies one way, you can always have them another ;) Or like you said, you can be the best amazing aunt. I just think you are a super awesome SPECIAL person and I can't wait to go to your wedding and take some tequila shots :)

But really, this post was beautiful and although I can't understand how you feel, I can understand the fear that comes with it but like you said, God never gives us more than we can handle and He does have a plan!

ps, so just out of wondering, is it still totally possible that you CAN have kids?

suzie q. said...


What a great attitude and positive light you are. Your family is so lucky to have you.

I also believe God doesn't give us more than we can handle, and He must know how strong you are.

Maybe you won't have kids of your own, but you will have kids. You are going to make a beautiful mmommy someday and I am totally in awe of you.

Carrie said...

Thank you for this post. I obviously don't know your story, but I had to have a similar surgery two years ago. And although I was a little older than you when I had it, I don't have children so I totally know what it feels like to think that you may not be able to ever have any on your own. My heart hurts for people in this situation. So happy that you can face it with such strength. In doing so and opening up in your posts as you did today, you are helping others. There is so much to be thankful for and its nice to be reminded of that every once and a while.

And P.S. being an aunt is amazing, so thankful for my nieces and nephews! They definitely get me through rough times.

And P.S.S. I can't stand being in hospitals!!!

Young and Fabulous said...

you are AMAZING and i love you so much! so strong

as raven said, i cant understand how you must have felt/been feeling but I understand how scared you must have been during this whole process...but you are such a STRONG WOMAN HOO0-RAH

And I think if it is meant to be, you will have kids one day :-) and they will be beautiful and amazing just like their mama!

I can understand the embracing of a scar. THough mine does not have much of a story to it, I still look at it and it makes me think of things. Mine was from 3rd grade when I fell and busted my lip on a chair. I have a scar from it and it just brings me back to the day where EVERYONE in the class rushed to me and helped me, my parents helped, friends made sure I was okay (and it was only a little lip scar!)

i heart you and want to see you again ASAP!


Anonymous said...

Your attitude is wonderful!!
Be proud of your scars; they made you who you are.

Your beautiful little niece is incredibly lucky to have an auntie like you!

sohirach said...

way to stay positive chick, keep it up. hopefully everything works out!

love, rach.

Ashley said...

Wow...you do have an amazing way of looking at things. i like it! you were def brave to share such a personal story, but then again...what are blogs for, right? thanks for sharing your story. amazing. you are a brave and strong girl!

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