Hospitals terrify me. My one big fear in life involves a trip I took to the hospital almost a year ago. Without going into too much detail... I had surgery to have 1 and 1/2 of my girly parts (ovaries) removed. And yes... humor is how I deal with everything.
Before going into surgery I remember the Doctor telling me that there was a chance they would have to remove both, which would send me into early menopause. I had JUST turned 23. The thought of being 23 in a 55 year old body terrified me. On top of that, there was a large chance I may not be able to have babies on my own.
And that is when the fear set in.
I can't believe how hard it is for me to write this post right now. I've had a year to deal with it... but that thought still shakes me.
But I have to think of it this way: God only gives us as much as we can handle. And yeah... for a while I was angry that he gave me a bum-ovary ( I guess two bum-ovaries)... but I realized I must be thankful he gave me an amazing mom who rushes out of bed at 6am to take me to the hospital, who never leaves my side.
Thankful I had friends, near and far show me the greatest love I have ever felt.
I am thankful for the large scar right across my bikini line. No matter what it means to others, it is my most beautiful battle wound. That scar means so many things. And yes, maybe I won't be able to have babies on my own, but for now... I can be the best Auntie in the world to these precious babes.
See that missing tooth? Aspen even graced us with a song about how babies don't have teeth. Did you know that? :)
How lucky am I?